Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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