My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
