dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
