I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
