Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
