Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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