Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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