Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
