seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
