Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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