I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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