Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
