you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
