winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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