is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
