U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
