So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
