I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
