I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
