she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
