I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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