drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
