The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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