I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
