You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
