it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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