Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
