Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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