my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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