I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
