That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
