I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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