honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
