i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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