Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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