I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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