Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
