woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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