you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Let's get the cat blown out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
