I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
