After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
