when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
