As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we made out on top of his cat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
