I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
