can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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