Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
