paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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