Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
