are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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