So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize