its not stalking. its research.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
